18 March 2012

As I get home from work, over an hour late, and *finally* unlock my door, I feel I should be breathing a sigh of relief.  But, much to my dismay, work was only the second battle of the day.  My first battle (still in progress) was with Paypal.
I drop my bag, my weapon, and take off my uniform top and my pc.  I grab a quick drink of lemonade, to rinse the grit out of my mouth, and hurry off to the latrine to relieve myself.  On my way down, I pop in my headphones, because if I don't, I get stopped by every single person I run across.  Everyone knows me, even if I don't know them.
As I'm washing my hands, I stand there a minute, letting the cool water run over my hands.  I don't know why, but running water, for me, is very soothing.  Water is a special, weird little feller, that gets to run its own course, and no one can tell it to do otherwise.
I return to my room, and my roommate has just gotten back, we have a short conversation as I boot up my computer, which restarted itself last night, after I fell asleep doing paperwork.  Fortunately, it only takes 10min for it to boot up, as opposed to the usual 45min, when its restarting.  My computer is 4 years old, and is starting to show its age.  I love it, and I hate it.  But its mine.  All mine.
I reload all the pages I had open, resuming my attempts to purchase compression shorts, for my PT uniform.  Paypal is still giving me a hard time, and every time I try to change my address to mail it directly to me, it freezes up.  My internet is running very slow, so each attempt at purchasing takes about 10-20min from beginning to the point of refreshing and starting again.  Thats even after I settle on just having it go to the preloaded address, and having my wife send it to me.  In the middle of it all, my internet goes out.

I sigh.
I change my headphones from my ipod to my computer, and I turn on one of my relaxation tunes.  I change from my short sleeve tan tshirt to my red thermal, and throw my head into my pillow, staring up at the ceiling.  I focus on my breathing, focusing on each inhale, each exhale.  I meditate for a while, not even realizing when the sound of pouring rain stops coming from my ear buds.
I feel a bit lighter.  Still frustrated at the events at work today; but a bit more centered than I'd been all day.
I feel a little less needing of Mental Health.  I guess thats good.  Lets see how long it lasts this time.
I recheck the internet, still out.
I sit up, stomach rumbling a bit.  I pull my goody box from its "hiding" place, and decide on the box of oreos. I lick the creme out of several, only eating the bits of cookie that break off.  I finish the last of the lemonade, and organize my bed a little.
I check my phone.
I check if the internet is back on.
I decide to call my wife.
The first attempt doesn't go through.  I try again, and am successful.  Shes making breakfast for the twins, but hands the taste to BIL1, so we can talk.  She is good at knowing when I need to vent.
I tell her about the events going on at work.  The new rules and policies, the constant punishments being dished out to the soldiers, all as part of a show to appease the powers that be.  We are all on edge, I tell her.
CSM, who earlier this week chewed out one of my NCOs for our supply tent being in disarray (something we had no control over, since the Cell put a bunch of their MASCAL crap in there, that we aren't allowed to touch) sent his assistant down to tell us he wanted to see the tent.
This sent everyone scrambling.  Even though the tent is almost spotless (can't be "spotless" in Afghanistan), they are so on edge, they all rushed to the tent, just to make sure nothing had fallen out of place.
I stayed out of it.  CSM doesn't want to hear a word that would come out of my mouth involving that tent.  And I can't afford any more strikes against me right now.
I am toeing a line right now, and am at risk of losing my time, my money, and my rank.  Because everyone is on edge.
I made an error on our mission schedule several days ago, with not realizing ONE single date had changed, out of 20 dates, of 10 missions, on a board full of information I'm supposed to know.  I was chewed out on three different levels, only because someone overheard the soldier (whos mission it was) informing me of it.  The soldier, meaning no harm in the conversation, apologized after I was "smoked" by a higher up, in our open office.
I was then bitched at, for my "corrective training" being so visible.  Yes, because I am the one who decided I would do pushups in plain view of everyone walking into the building.
I didn't even bother to mention that I am medically not supposed to do pushups, because of the whole getting-shot thing....  I just did my 50, and moved on..... going off to "hide" in my NCO's office.  Far away from anyone with a concrete lamp post shoved up their rear end.
I then had to counsel 2 soldiers for being late this morning, even though, by my clock, they were 3 minutes early.
Or how we will now be working longer hours, with no days off, for the foreseeable future...
Wife listened to everything, and some other stuff that happened....Shes good at listening.
She talked things over with me, helped me destress.  Helped me gather my thoughts, and helped me get the motivation to actually show up for work tomorrow.
Then we talked about the kids.  Which always makes my day better.  I wanted to skype, but internet was still down.
We are officially 10 weeks pregnant!  She is starting to show, the tiniest bit.  She joked about how it just looked like she ate a big dinner last night.
None of the kids are sick anymore, and they are going to be enjoying the day at the park, BIL1, BIL2, and Teenager have a pickup game, and Wife will be playing with the twins on the playground near the field.
Wife says its a lovely 60* out, and the sun is supposed to make an appearance shortly.  There is a threat of thunderstorms, but hopefully they hold off so they can enjoy a nice day at the park.

Wife had to go, get dressed and get the twins dressed.  We'll have to skype tomorrow, so I can chat with the kids.
Fortunately, the internet came back on, as we were finishing up....go figure.
I refreshed my pages, wrote this out, and refreshed my pages again, periodically, while typing.

I now have a headache, and have to pee again, so I will post this now, and be back in a few minutes!

1 comment:

  1. I would not survive in the military. I'm too mouthy. You're a strong man, my friend! I hope things relax just a little bit for you soon.


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