Getting help, part 2

Suicide is a choice. Life is a choice.
I have seen people in horrible circumstances, who have pulled through and gotten past the hard times, just as I have seen people who drowned in their situation, unable to break the surface again.
I grew up in less than ideal circumstances, and am a product of the foster care system. I lost my daughter 11yrs ago. I deployed to Iraq at the beginning of the war, and I saw some bad shit, and got wounded. I deployed again, and got shot.
My buddy, whom I deployed with my first time, grew up with an abusive father, and a drunk and hateful mother. He went on to join the Army and deploy. He saw the same shit I saw, during his first deployment. During his second deployment, he got blown up, losing his right leg, above the knee. His wife left him while he was still in the hospital. He got to drinking to drown out the pain and the flashbacks. But he eventually decided to get help.
He is remarried now, with 2 step kids and one of his own. His life isn't always easy, but it is his, because he made a choice.
A soldier I knew came back from a deployment with less rank than when they'd left. They chose to be unfaithful in their marriage, got caught, and had to face the consequences. They were losing their family, and because of their reaction to their punishment, they lost more rank, and were losing their career. They tried to kill their Platoon Sgt, they tried to kill their 1SG, the two people who tried to offer help. This person shot them self in front of barracks full of junior soldiers. They never considered the consequences of a single one of their actions.

People do stupid shit all the time. Bad things happen to people all the time. It is our job to respond the best we can to our circumstances. There are resources out there, but our society is so fucking trained against asking for help, that we just spend time glorifying those who were too weak to do so! Because, yes, after fighting your demons for long enough, anyone would grow tired and weak. And then, they may choose to take the "easy way out".
Because it means they don't have to fight anymore!
And if they don't succeed, maybe someone else will notice their struggle, and that person will pick up arms with them, and help tame their demons.

There is such a bull shit stigma on asking for help. But what is worse: the shame of everyone finding out you swallowed a bunch of pills to end your own life, or the shame of everyone finding out you are seeing a doctor to try to be a better person?

I'm seeing a doctor, to help me with my issues. And, yes, I may have been reluctant to do so, but that was I.....
....I don't even really know why.
I was hoping the other meds would work?
I was too busy to make time?
I was trying to pretend I wasn't having problems?
I was afraid of what others would think?

Okay, that last one did play a role, but only a small one....
I've had enough issues over the years to know when I need help, but I hesitated (not for long) because I am with new people, who don't know my history.
They have accepted that I am "broken".
We are all "broken" in some way!
Some of us fit back together better than others, but if you work hard enough, and find all the pieces, you *can* be whole again! And if there is not enough of the old you left, change from seeing yourself as a jug to seeing yourself as a bowl.... Both can still hold substance!