Everyone is sick, a lovely little bug that has everyone sniffling and all runny-nosed.
I told Male Child that he needed to take some "Icky Joo" to help him feel better.
(We are all for letting them ride out a bug, but almost every time he gets a URI, it turns to pneumonia.... so meds it is!)
He's usually great about taking meds (one of the "joys" of being born premature, with other health issues, is taking lots of meds), and was obliged to follow my request.
This is where the snowball started rolling downhill.
Firstly: His "Icky Joo" spoon got left in Va.
Secondly: His "Icky Joo" was bubblegum flavoured, not Grape.
Thirdly: He does not yet have pneumonia, so his lungs are working well.
Upon realizing the 1st and 2nd listed items, he got upset. He started with the lip-quiver, and the glassy eyes, and then the big fat tears started rolling down his face.
He is a sensitive kid, and he also is not a fan of change. We accept that.
Maybe my workday was a tad too stressful?
He starts full blown crying, ending up in a pile on the floor, looking pitiful.
Wife, of course, gives ME an accusatory look....
....YOU, LADY! YOU got the TREACHEROUS bubblegum flavor!!!....don't look at *me* like that!
At this point, baby is upset, and Male Child has snot and tears dripping down his face.
"Its okay bubba, we'll fix it, okay?"
"Do you want a joo box? or you want to go read daddy a book (one of his favorite things)?
"Buddy, you gotta calm down, or you are gonna need your 'puffy fish' (nebulizer for his asthma has a fish mask)"
"LEEEEEE MEEEEEEE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOON" (leave me alone, for those of you who don't speak Upset Toddler) And he *violently* shoved my arm.
I, being balanced on the balls of my feet, lose my balance at the superhuman strength of his shove, and end up on my butt, and then *fall* to my back
"OOOOOOWWWWWWWWIIIIIEEEEEEEE" *fake crying (very convincingly, of course)*
Wife comes in *gasping*
"Boy, what did you do????"
*Male child sitting there wide-eyed* "Daaa-eyyyyy?"
*crawls over to me, as I continue my fake crying and Wife renders medical aid*
"Daaa-eeyy, pay?" (okay?)
*To Wife* "Owwwieeee, he hurt me!! He's a meanie!"
*Wife gasps in mock horror*
"NUUU-WUUUUHHH! YOU NO HUWT, DA-EY!"
*Boy puts nice, snotty hands on my face*
"Boy, what did you do?"
*boy shakes his head*
"he pushed me, boo hoo hoooooo" *more fake crying*
"Da-ey, no huwt, dop it da-ey!"
*mushing my face with snotty hands*
*Ninja tickle attack of doom*
*Boy screams/giggles, and struggles to resist the tickles!!! to no avail*
"DOP IT DA-EYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! DOP IT! NOWT NIIIICE! DOP IT!!!! MA-EYYY HELLLLLLBBB!!!!!"
*more giggle screams*
*Several moments later, take hold and pull him close*
"Boy, are you okay? I saw mommy attacking you!!! I saved your life!!!"
"ID WAS YOUUU!"
"Nuh-uh!!!" *pull back, offended* "Why would I do that???"
"Yoow a doodybutt!"
*mock horror* "You smelled my butt???"
"You smelled my butt!!!!
"NOOOO, DOP IT!!!!!"
*lets go of him* "Ewwwww...... booty sniffer!!!!"
"NOOOOO!!! MAAAAA-EEEEYYYY, MAKE IM DOP!!!!!"
*Wife shrugs, Boy turns back to me*
"DOP IT DA-EY, GOOW DO YOUW WOOM! NO TOWY FOW YOU DONIGH! (go to your room, no story for you tonight)"
*wide-eyed mock horror*
*Boy puts hands on hips, gives me a stern look, points to the hallway*
"GOOOW DO BEEED, NOW, MIDER!!!"
*slinks away mock-sniffling*
HAHA, I'm not in my room anymore!!!