What you really need when preparing for babies, and what you dont

Having just helped several friends plan baby showers and registries, and myself having experience with what babies and twins go through, Ive decided to put it all in one place.

First and foremost: NOT EVERYTHING NEEDS TO MATCH!

You will spend a lot more money getting perfectly matching gear, when chances are, nobody cares if it matches.

THINGS YOU DONT REALLY NEED/DONT NEED INITIALLY:

-2 CRIBS.

  When the twins were born, and when they came home from the hospital, I believe we only used one crib for the first 8mo.  The other one just sat there, and became a dumping ground for laundry.  Babies are small....they dont take up much space, and honestly, if you really cant afford anything else, your baby could even sleep in a laundry basket.

When both twins did sleep in the crib (our son had bad reflux, and usually slept in his carseat), they actually slept better being right next to each other. (Same when they were in the NICU, they shared a bed and dis much better)

And, should they start bothering each other, or moving too much, THEN you can set up another crib... Or just use the packn play!

-FANCY BEDDING SETS: 

 cute? Yes.... Necessary?  No.  But make sure you have AT LEAST 5 fitted sheets per crib.  And make sure you have a WATERPROOF MATTRESS PROTECTOR.  Babies get sick, and they either puke, or overload their diaper.  When that happens, you remove the sheet, wipe down the mattress protector, and put on a new sheet.  And hope you dont have to do that too many times.

-EXERSAUCERS, WALKERS, BOUNCERS, ETC:

 Your baby isnt gonna be using these for the first few months.  And if you do get them ahead of time, only get one of each.  Some babies HATE these things, and last thing you want is to drop $200 on two of them, and both babies HATE them.

Find them on craigslist.  They usually range between $15-$50.

Save that money, you'll need it sooner or later

-CHANGING TABLE:

While these might seem like a "NEED", with two babies, these can actually become a hazard.

There will be that one time you put one kid on it, the other kid does something behind you, and you get distracted.  And next thing you know, your kid falls, or almost falls.

We opted for floor-changings.  Or even changing them as they still lay in their crib.

If they are a messy one, just slip a blanket or towel under them.

We have NEVER needed a changing table, and most of my Twin Parent friends have concurred on that stance.

-HIGH CHAIRS:

We are just *now* starting to use one with our 8mo.

Babies should be exclusively boob/bottle for first 4-6 mo anyway.

And with our twins, we found it to be waaaay less messy to feed them at floor level.

Bumbo seats have trays that attach to them, shoot, even strollers have trays.

But Bumbos or free-sitting are the most sanitary methods of feeding a baby, because it is easiest to clean up.  High chairs have a lot of nooks and crannies that hide food, that spoils and germinates bacteria.

-REALLY FANCY TOYS:

With our twins, we tended to take them to the store (or a friends house) and if we found something that caught their eyes, or that they enjoyed, THEN we would purchase it.  All babies have different personalities, and that means they like different things.  My son is on the Autism Spectrum: he likes toys with different textures, and he DOES NOT like loud/noisy toys.  My daughter likes puzzle toys, and animal toys.

This one is also something to remember for their first Christmas (or gift holiday)

Babies dont need a lot of things, so maybe consider savings bonds, college investments, and then a couple toys, and some clothes.  Instead of filling your entire living room with toys.

SIDENOTE: buy quality toys.  Babies and toddlers break things!  And by buying them quality toys, it also means you dont have to buy as many....or listen to a screaming child when $5 Elmo's head falls off.

THINGS TO GET, AND HOW TO GET THEM:

-CLOTHES:

DO NOT GO ALL OUT AT BABY GAP!

BABIES GROW FAST!

When getting baby clothes, Craigslist/garage sales, family and friends who recently had babies, and the Thrift store ARE YOUR FRIENDS!

Remember all those NB-6mo clothes are ONLY GOING TO LAST 6mo!

And chances are, you will not be going to many fancy places during that time.

Onesies and bodysuits will be your best friends.  But they can cost $5-$30 at the store.  EACH!

Your baby may go through 2-10 outfits in a day!  If you averaged $10/outfit. Thats $20-$100 of clothes PER DAY!  You can get great quality, gently-used/new baby clothes for between $.25-$5 an outfit at yard sales, Craigslist, and Thrift stores.

Im not saying "dont buy your kid new clothes", Im just saying that if you shop wisely, you can get a couple nice outfits for special occasions, and still be able to cloth your child for the next 5yrs.

Also: BUY ALL SIZES!

Nothing worse than only having NB-3mo clothing, and your 2mo old baby has a freaking growth spirt, and can now wear 6-9mo clothing!

Another Also: SHOP ON THE OFF SEASON!

Winter clothes are expensive.  Buying winter suits/jackets in spring or summer can save you some big money.  And if you arent sure what size your kid will be wearing, you can go a size up, and it shouldnt be too bad.

BATHING SUITS FOR BABIES:

Please dont put a bikini on your infant.... It just looks wrong.

If you are going to the Pool, Beach, Waterpark, or backyard sprinkler with your baby:

HAT, HAT, HAT, HAT, HAT!  A Baby sunhat is a GREAT investment, and will help them stay cool, keep their head from getting burnt, and protect their eyes.

Also: Sunshirts!  Cover up baby as much as possible, to keep them safe from the sun's rays.  Babies have more trouble regulating their body temperature, and can dehydrate easily.  So, sunburns could be lethal.

BABY SOCKS:

Just get a whole bunch of one color....you will be losing a lot of socks.

BABY BOOK:

These are GREAT time keepers.  Dont forget to use them.  Take lots of photos of them, and try to write little blurbs about each big milestone.  These will be priceless treasures when they get older.  And its a teary reminder, for you, of how cute and wordless that hormonal teenager once was.

We have a Baby Book for each kid, and they each go in a box, where we keep all those important keepsakes for each kid (school certificates, first dental sticker, first tooth brush, take-home outfits, etc)

I lost my first daughter (She would have turned 12 this weekend), and having her Baby Box means more to me than I could have ever imagined.

-BOTTLES, PUMP, BABY FOOD SUPPLIES, FORMULA, ETC:

Whether you breast feed or bottle feed, have a couple bottles in the house, at least.

Our kids were all breastfed, but our son couldnt tolerate anything but breastmilk, and when they started growing, we ended up having to supplement my daughter's share with formula.  On top of that, my wife pumped.  It started out because the twins were in the NICU and had to be fed through tubes, but it ended up being a life saver:

Pumping means that dad or caregiver can help feed the babies.

Twins will wake up at different times, be hungry at different times, and need things at different times.

If you have to feed the babies every 2-3 hours, and it takes 15min-1hr to feed a baby, you will never sleep.  My wife pumped, and was therefore able to get 4-6hrs straight of sleep, while me, MIL, or my mom (whoever was visiting at the time) could feed them during the night.

Its also a great bonding experience for fathers to be able to feed their baby, too.

And a few important tips:

TUMMY TIME:

It is important that your baby get plenty of SUPERVISED tummy time.  It strengthens their core!  My friend's 2mo girl can almost sit up, unassisted (for short spurts of time)

STOP STERILIZING EVERYTHING:

Yes, with preemies this can be important.  But for the most part, if you are going to sterilize everything, do it once a week, or every two weeks.

We use glass bottles for our babies, so we boiled the bottles initially (theyd been in storage....same bottles my parents used on their kids), and that was that.

Babies will stick dirty things in their mouths, NO MATTER WHAT!

And eating dirt builds an immune system!

VACCINATIONS:

Im not going to argue this one with you, except to say that the "study" claiming vaccines cause Autism were proven false.  If you are not convinced of that:

JUST REMEMBER: would you rather have your baby have Autism, or DIE from a completely preventable disease?

ALSO: MAKE SURE EEEEVVVVVVVVVEEEEERRRRRYYYYYOOOOONNNNNEEEE THAT COMES AROUND YOUR NEWBORNS/INFANTS HAS BEEN VACCINATED AGAINST PERTUSSIS, AKA WHOOPING COUGH. IT IS NO JOKE, AND CAN KILL YOUR BABY.  IT IS ON THE RISE DUE TO NONVACCINATION.

BELOW ARE JUST SOME EXAMPLES OF EASY FINDS ON CRAIGSLIST.

NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER PURCHASE A SECOND HAND CAR SEAT. 

SECOND HAND CARSEATS COULD BE FAULTY, OR COULD HAVE BEEN IN A COLLISION, WITHOUT YOU BEING ABLE TO TELL.

 AND IF YOU ARE USING ONE YOU ALREADY OWN, MAKE SURE ITS NOT EXPIRED!

-

Products for SN or NT Parents and caregivers

Product that I, or my friends in my Toddler/Baby group have found useful.
I am not being reimbursed in any way, to share these products.  These are products that we have found to be helpful, and in some cases life-changing!
Our group has a large SNs population, and our little ninjas range from ASD (mild-severe/nonverbal), Cerebral Palsy, Epilepsy,  SPD, etc...As well as our NT ninjas.
These are all "affordable" products that have been tried and tested by individuals in our group.  Please, if you find something useful, or think someone else may find it useful, dont hesitate to share it.  No credit is needed, for us, its about making things easier for parents and caregivers.

Our friend's son has autism and epilepsy.  He loves being able to go for walks, but doesnt like the stroller anymore.  He is not strong on his feet, so this gives him the "big kid" experience, without his parents fretting
http://www.amazon.com/Smart-Trike-Deluxe-Red-Black/dp/B002MOXRTI/ref=pd_sim_sbs_t_4


These socks are great for families with wannabe-walkers, or kiddos who arent overly steady.
They dont completely prevent your kid from slipping, and eating it, but they sure do help!
http://www.onestepahead.com/product/Soft-Shoes/_/R-536533?cmSource=CrossSell

The Whos Shoes ID is great, and there are several other tags farther down the page.
One of our dads has actually had the tag work, when his son wandered off at a Post function.  The MPs were able to contact him and his wife, and his son was returned safely.

http://www.mypreciouskid.com/ID-shoes-tags.html

Does your youngin like to strip down?  This store has affordable back-zippered jumpers for kids, size 2T-6-youth.  Breathable, durable, a great way to keep their clothes (and diaper?) on!

http://www.ikidsfashion.com/store.html


I may have to try this one.  Our friends have a 4yo with severe autism.  She is a wanderer, and they got this because she's been able to get out of the house, undetected, once before.  They swear by it.  And if it means trapping the lil buggers for an extra hour in the morning....right Piatek?

http://www.myreadysetbloom.com/Home.php


Mr Boy actually learned to use a cup with something very similar.  His OT/PT guys use a very similar product.
http://www.tiltycup.com/


For our two G-tubers, we've got these nifty pads.  Way better than running through  a box of gauze a week.  And these are stylish!

http://www.mybuttonbuddies.com/ButtonBuddiesShop.html

Does noise overstimulate your little one?  They make hearing protection for kids, now, too.

http://www.mypreciouskid.com/baby-banz-hearing-protection-ear-muffs.html

We have a string bean...and sometimes the clothes "her size" are too loose around the waist.
One of the moms in our group uses these for her boy (shes also one of the g-tube moms).  Her son is scrawny, as he is a recent g-tube convert, and he is catching up developmentally, so he has trouble enough with his pants, let alone a belt.

http://cbellybelts.com/Site/HowToUse-678.html

Wife and I used these with the twins, and they were lifesavers!  Especially with the amount of travelling we've done.  Allows us to take the twins, and carseats, but without taking up all our hands.
We handed them off to friends with young twins who recently PCS'ed, and they sent high praise, not having to tote the stroller AND carseats through FOUR airports.  They were able to keep their twins strapped in at all times, and it kept them accounted for, and safe!  This isnt the exact model we had, but its affordable, and well reviewed!

http://www.diapers.com/p/brica-roll-n-go-car-seat-transporter-339197?site=CA&utm_source=cse&utm_medium=cpc_D&utm_term=UFW-048&utm_campaign=amazon#


Ive had one of  these since forever!  They are great for the kids....or for you...it holds a book, and your drink.....

http://www.diapers.com/p/kidco-bath-storage-basket-16542


For your drooly cowpoke:

http://www.mum2mum.co.nz/Wonder-Bibs/Bandana

From our epilepsy feiends: a padded table mat, to protect their seizure-prone youngster from hard surfaces during seizures.  They are $42, and bring with them a lot of peace of mind

http://www.seizuresupport.com/products.htm

Parenting faux pas

I am so very thankful that Miss Girl acted out of character tonight! She is usually a mother hen, who will get others to do what they are supposed to do, even if it means physically guiding them....
I heard the toilet flush in their bathroom, after she'd already been in bed two hours, then I heard the soft patter of little feet coming toward my room. She peered through the open door and whispered loudly, "daddy, the toys didnt go night-night."
She then grabbed my hand, and dragged me to the bathroom, where the bath is still occupied with water and toys. Lil Miss had started crying during Girls bath, so we finished up, and I took her with me to go tend to the baby, forgetting about the bath....
Thank God she didnt try to get the toys out herself, because they have trouble getting in and out of the bathtub, and God forbid she'd slipped and hit her head, and possibly fallen into the water.....would I have heard it?

Lil Miss is officially 6mo old. Its bittersweet, in that my first daughter never made it to that milestone, passing away at 5m27d. (SIDS) Ive been a bit more anxious as that milestone grew nearer, as I was when the twins neared it. Its sometimes easy to forget that kids aren't invincible, even as I sit here now, with a 6mo, my mother hen safely back in bed, and my son recovering from heart surgery in the hospital.
The one child who I didn't think I had to worry about, ended up being the one that could have been seriously injured, or worse!

Im going to try not to beat myself up over this, but it does reiterate how important it is to not only teach boundaries, but also to keep aware of your environment, because teaching doesn't always work.
We have taught the twins over and over that they are not to be in the bathtub (or pool, pond, lake, deep puddle, ocean, etc) without an adult there. But they don't always listen to rules, and that could have very easily been the case.
Or, had this happened a few months down the road, it could have been Lil Miss, reaching for one of the duckies.

My nightly check includes securing everything in the kitchen, and all the downstairs windows and doors (windows are usually open during the day, because of our temperate weather), the lights, the windows in the kids room and nursery (putting the twins sippy cups in the mini-fridge, as well) and quick overview of the rooms (make sure monitor is working, nothing is in the crib, or near it, make sure twins haven't stashed anything, etc). The bathroom wasn't something that occurred to me to check, since it has no windows. But, alas, my Parent-brain kicks in. Forgetting to drain the bathtub. I will be including it for now on.
Being a parent is like working in the IT field. You have to constantly be upping your game, or you risk mild-to-severe consequences. You cant still be trying to baby-pad the brick fireplace when your kid is now running out into traffic. You have to stay ahead of the game, or at least keep up!

That kid

Walking down the hall, feeling like he's being watched.
Quickening his pace, he reaches his locker, changes out his books, and rushes off to his next class.
He arrives before anyone else, breathes a sigh of relief to have made it safely, and takes a seat, ready for the quiz he knows is coming.
He shared several of the same teachers as his older sister, and after class collects the work to take home to her, while she is out sick.  He makes small talk with the teacher, updating her on his sister, and discussing the quiz.  It had been easy for him, as usual, the patterns and puzzles unfolding their solutions, quickly, in his head.  He didn't intend to be a "teachers pet", but the teachers were some of the few in the school who didn't cast him aside because of how his brain works.  Unfortunately, his teacher shoos him on his way, not allowing him to be late for his next class.
A quick jab to his shoulder is all he endures, walking to the opposite end of the hall, but he knows this next class will be less than pleasant.  He takes his assigned seat, diagonally in front of one of the kids that has made his year a living hell.  This teacher, not being as considerate as his other teacher, believes that kids need to learn to stand up for themselves, and therefore refused to move his desk, when he finally asked several weeks earlier.
He endures quiet name-calling as the clock drags on like honey in a snowstorm.  He is hit by several paper balls in the back, before his classmate escalates to pencils.  He does his best to ignore him, knowing that reacting will fuel these antics.  He focuses on his worksheet, counting down the minutes until the bell.
When it finally rings, he gathers his books quickly, and darts for the door, but not quickly enough, as his classmate gets there at the same time, and shoves him into the door frame.

He takes the long way to lunch, avoiding any traps that lay in wait.  When he purchases his lunch, he makes his way to his usual table.  Though his sister is not there to watch over him, her friends still let him sit at the table, and they are nice enough not to give him a hard time, like the rest of the kids.  He's a bit different than most of the kids at the school.  His name doesn't match his parents, or his sister.  He is a foster child, an "unwanted" in the eyes of the other students.  He is a smart kid, and is 2 years ahead of his peers in his classes, but that wont reconcile their opinions of him.  He doesn't fit in, whether he tries or not, and the other kids don't make it easy.

A little background on his town:
There are less than 10,000 residents, and there are more grocery stores (2) than airport employees (1 f/t).  In the last 10 years, you were more likely to get killed by a tornado (4 people) than by another person (2 murders).   There are more cops (19) than there have been fatal car crashes (17) in the last 35yrs.
There are 2 elementary schools, one middle, and one high school, each one hosting between 400-600 students.  There are less than 1% of households with children who are not the biological children of the household heads.  It is a 90%  White community, with less than 2.5% Hispanic residents

After lunch, its time to head upstairs for Spanish class. He is at an advantage, in that he grew up speaking Spanish, but it only proves to make him more of a pariah.  He tries to keep his head down in class, but the teacher doesn't allow him to not partake.  She calls on him several times, and though he hesitates with his answers, they are correct, earning him a piercing glare from his main bully.  When their last tests are handed back to them, there are groans and moans from the masses, and the teacher suggests the other students should seek his help studying.  This serves only to alienate him further.
When the bell rings, he is slow to rise, hoping to miss the crowds on his way to his last class.
The halls are sparsely populated when he makes his way to the stairs.
As he steps through the fire doors, at the top of the stairs, a blur comes out from a corner, and pushes him to the floor.  His books slide across the floor, scattering his papers everywhere.  When he tries to grab his book, it is kicked off the landing, taking what seemed like ages to hit the floor below them.
He scrambles to the railing, trying to get to his feet, when he is struck in the back, knocking the wind out of him, and causing him to hang on to the rail for support.
He is called names, told he is weak and pathetic. He is spit on, and told he is worthless. Wiping the spit from his arm, he tries to get to his feet, but is grabbed, and shoved against the rail again. So close to the edge, he loses his balance and feels himself falling down the stairs. He reaches out to catch himself, and is rewarded with a disturbing snap, as his arm collapses beneath him. He cries out in pain, as he continues tumbling, eventually coming to a stop on the landing, hitting his head against the wall as he rolls to a stop.
His screams alerted several teachers, who come running from the second floor. As his attackers run away, one of them kicks him, with malice, or just trying to escape, its unclear.
When the teachers reach him, he is unable to get up, with sharp pains pulsing through his rib cage. This is the first time he notices the metallic taste in his mouth, as one of the teachers run to find a phone. He tries to bring his hand to his mouth, but finds his left arm angled oddly, with searing pain. He pulls it into his lap, cradling it. His teacher pulls out a napkin, and wipes away the bloody spit thats dribbling off his chin.

When the paramedics arrive, he is carefully placed on a stretcher and transported to the local clinic. He is diagnosed with a broken arm, several bruised ribs, and a gash in his lip, from where his teeth dug in when he hit the rail. He also has a concussion, and was kept overnight.

The school suspended him and the other students involved (that they were able to identify) in the fight. They recommended to his parents that he be removed from the school and transferred to a different school, stating if another incident happened, they would have to expel him.

He finished the school year at a school 30min away. Having to wake up an hour early to make it to school in time. He was closely supervised at all times.
Upon completion of the school year, his parents researched alternatives, and were afforded the opportunity for him to study abroad. On scholarship, he made it into a school in Europe, one which promised a safe environment for him to learn, and offered the stimulation he craved.
His next school year started off slight, but he made several friends, and found his in helping tutor several of the rugby players.

The First Date

So, Mr Boy is currently on a date, with one of Miss Girl's friends.
Starting from the beginning:
We went to church yesterday, and enjoyed the company of some long time friends, who have a daughter a few months older than the twins. Cee gets along really well with both twins, and is just a really sweet kid.
After the service, we were enjoying some refreshments and sweets, and Mr Boy approached her and asked her to go on a date with him. She said "sure" and they hugged. He then told her he would take her to lunch tomorrow (now today)
All the parents are sitting around amused, at this point, trying to to laugh.
Mr Boy comes up to me and says "Daddy, I need the caw tomowow"
"Oh really? For what?"
"I has a date, youw dwiving us to lunch"
"You have a date? With who?"
"With Cee, duh! And I need you to pay."
"Oh?"
"Daddddddy.... I don't have enough dollows fow it. You do!"

So, it was set. We cleared it with her parents, who were amused, and fine with the idea.

Then came the planning. Mr Boy refused to take her any place "cheap or cheesy", so no kiddie restaurants or fast food. We agreed to Olive Garden. Then he said he needed his shirt ironed, and proceeded to lay out his outfit, and tell Wife how she was going to do his hair.
He even wanted me to wash the car.... Fortunately, it was getting dark, and was raining.
Today, he woke up quickly, ate breakfast, cleaned up the Easter mess, and watched MLP:FIM, all the while asking if it was time to leave yet.
He took a bath, got himself dressed, had his mom do his hair, borrowed a dab of my cologne, and then ran off to the backyard to gather some flowers for Cee.
When we got to her house, he told me to wait at the car (chauffeur has to open the door for them, of course) and he went to the door by himself. He looked a little nervous, but he rang the bell and stood patiently.
Her mother answered the door, and invited him into the foyer, telling me they needed a minute.
A minute or two later, he escorts Cee out of the house, and I open the door to let them into the vehicle. He helps her with his sister's booster seat, before securing himself.

Once we are at Olive Garden, the hostess greeted us, and asked about our party number. Boy chimed in, informing her they were one a date, and needed two seats, and I wasnt sitting with them. She seated me two tables away, so I could keep an eye on them. Fortunately it wasnt super busy.
I helped them order pasta and made sure they had their breadsticks, and then I was exiled.
They are talking, and coloring, and eating.
And I sit here with my ipad, alone, eating my alfredo pasta thing, alone........wondering when they will run out of things to do while sitting at a table....

Names Pop Culture has Ruined

Jessie
Do you really want your kid finding out his friend wants to steal his girlfriend, like that?

Stacy
I don't care whether you're a MILF or not.... Your daughter will!

Prince
Really?  Need I explain?

Blanket
Again.....need I?

Khloe/Kourtney
No.

Dexter
Your kid is either a Serial Killer or a creepy little scientist.

Elvis
NO!

Ryker
Thats a prison.....setting your kid up, much?

Channing:
No

Nevaeh:
No

Armani:
Unless you can afford to dress them in it all their life....and even then: No.

Marley:
Its a DOG!  and it dies!

Mickey

Barbie

Take off your cloths????  No....


Leroy

Angel:

Delilah:

Creepy Stalker song!

Madonna:
Do I really need to give a reason?

Cecilia

Shes a heartbreaking Harlot!



Eleanor:

Shes creepy!  And was a total loner!



Sunny:
creepy vengeful!

Earl:
Good-for-nothing wife beater

And your child's name should not end with "qua"  Its a trend based in poor taste.