IDEATION : the capacity for or
the act of forming or entertaining ideas <suicidal ideation>
It is
something that affects people of all ages, all racial backgrounds, and all
economic standings. Males are 4-5x more
likely to commit suicide than females, and people ages 35-85 are 1.5x more
likely to kill themselves than people 15-24.
Children 5-14 kill themselves (with intent) at 1/10th the
rate of people 15-24.
More people
die from suicide than homicide.
But what you
hear about in the news is either murder or teen suicide.
Suicide
among the elderly is brushed off as compassionate, suicide among the
middle-aged is taboo, but suicide among teenagers is a travesty, because that
is what society wants us to believe.
Whether it is you parents, siblings, children, or grandchildren burying
you, we are indifferent.
Suicide is
usually a last resort for a tortured soul.
Someone who has been hurt by others, scarred by events in their lives,
or overwhelmed by the world they have found themselves in. It is not something that comes lightly, to
most, and most suicidal people carry a lot of guilt. It is when the guilt of living outweighs the
guilt for the living, even momentarily, that the wheels of fate are set in
motion toward an irreversible end.
It is not
just the mentally ill, the bullied youth, the destitute adult, or the ailing
elderly that seek solace in death.
There are
those who are happily married, have jobs they generally enjoy, and growing
families, who find themselves contemplating suicide. Who wake up in the morning, get ready for
work, kiss their family good-bye, and on their way to work realize how easy it
would be to end it all. A quick jerk of
the wheel, a concrete barricade, and a 70mph decision could take their stress
away.
Not all
stress is bad stress, but even too much good stress can be bad. Ask someone with Autism. It is just as easy to be overwhelmed with the
good change and exuberance around you as it is with the failures and trials
that come with life.
It can be
one one big stressor: the death of a child, the experience of war, grave
disability/illness, the loss of a career.
Or it can be
a bunch of small stressors combined: the changes in weather, a minor unexpected
bill, a growing project list, growing family/changes in dynamic, medical
issues, social stress, family stress, work stress, grocery shopping, needing to
go to the post office to mail an overdue package, needing to plan a vacation,
needing to organize a team (or two), needing to get your vehicle repaired,
being in the middle of your parents’ divorce, issues with the ILs, IEP
meetings, making dinner, tracking activities, keeping up with laundry, cleaning
the house, cleaning up after everyone, potential shifts in work schedule,
constant activity reschedules due to weather, issues with coworkers, forgetting
lunch at home, unexpected medical appointments, issues with customers at work,
the dog getting sick, the dog having a laundry list of food allergies, etc.
Nothing on
that second list is in-it-of-itself a horribly stressful event, but you put
them together, and anyone can feel overwhelmed.
Add to that
a history of depression, anxiety, and PTSD, and you’ve got a powder keg at a
welding shop. One errant spark, and
BOOM.
Don’t be
mistaken, people who commit suicide usually have loved ones they care very
deeply about. People they cherish, and
would do anything in the world to protect.
But when you
are at the point when the boughs are breaking, and everything is flooding in
around you, those loved ones, those beautiful cherished ones that light up your
life, they are dimmed out by the walls of overwhelming stress, pain, guilt, and
shame. Apathy sets in, and nothing matters
except ending those feelings. Of doing
something to take away the helplessness.
Suicide is the final way to take back control.
It is the
liberation from love and hate.
The
cleansing of stress and the atonement for wrongdoing.
It is the
ultimate deliverance.
